porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
