If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
