I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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