If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
