I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
