She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
