I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
