That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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