Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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