This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
