I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
