I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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