I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
A bitchslap is in order.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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