That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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