I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
