is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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