yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
