he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
