I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It's official drugs can't kill me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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