Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
