I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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