They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
