Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
