is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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