hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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