Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
