Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
