is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
