Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
