this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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