Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
