I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
