Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
