I just saw a hot homeless man
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
