I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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