weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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