I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
