they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
