Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
