It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
