No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
