"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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