im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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