Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
