Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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