I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you win again, gameday.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
