Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
