i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
