This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
