I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
