You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
