Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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