What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize