Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
