At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
