I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
