just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
