i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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