Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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