Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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