Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
