I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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