You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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