ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
