you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Randomize
