u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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