one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
