She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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