yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
