He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
