I just saw a hot homeless man
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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