i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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