She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
