I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
